[EDIT: April 28, 2012. My views on this topic have only expanded so my views may be slightly different from what was written here back in September of 2011. If you want to comment on this entry or chat about it with me, take this into consideration. Thanks.]
There’s a bad stigma that comes with the pickup artist movement. It shouldn’t be that way. Just like every human being has different intent and morals, pick-up artists are no different.
Some will sleep with any women they can get. Others won’t go for a girl with a boyfriend. It comes down to intent.
Pickup Artists Can’t Be Put into a One-Size Fits All Box
To give you an example of an interesting pickup artist, let’s examine Wayne Elise (aka Juggler).
He doesn’t like being called a pickup artist but he was mentioned in a chapter of The Game. He’s all about connecting with others and creating conversation. He even writes for Psychology Today.
For example, on an article called, “Seize the moment with Inarticulation!” Elise states, “When beginning an interaction with a stranger it’s more important to use good timing than to use good content. I’ll say that again louder. IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO USE GOOD TIMING THAN TO SAY ANYTHING SMART, CLEVER, OR EVEN COHERENT.”
That’s a great tip to tell anyone that wants to meet new people because it isn’t about content; It’s about putting yourself out there and saying anything really. It’s not a crime to talk to strangers so why not make it hilarious.
He’s right because the majority of communication isn’t by the words themselves.
It’s about the tone and body language.
Remember the 55-38-7 rule in communication.
-55% of what you say is determined by eye-contact and body language.
-38% is determined by tone, speed of speech, how loud you say something.
-Only 7% of communication is actually through the words.
It’s about the charisma and humor when you do say whatever it is.
Imagine someone saying, “Hey what item are you getting there?” in a very serious tone vs. someone saying, “Hey there grocery person, I’d like to talk for a bit.” in a fun tone. The fun tone wins out because it’s fun.
Who doesn’t want fun?
There are other pickup artists that teach their own methods like Mystery (The Mystery Method) or JT Tran (ABCs of Attraction), which are detailed systematic ways to get women.
There are pickup terms used as well like:
-HB8 (Hot Blonde 8/10)
-Negging (Back-Handed Compliments)
-Opening a set (Approaching a group of girls)
Personally, I don’t like the scripted stuff. Or the typical routines over and over. Or the terms.
However, the outlines do work well and here’s the interesting part: Based on personal experience, I’m certain that they work for the majority of women.
Some personal examples:
1. That girl told me that she was with her boyfriend because he didn’t care much. (Indifference seems to be a turn-on.)
2. My ex was into me more because I didn’t call her that often. (Maybe twice a month?)
3. Had a girl who was interested test me because I was acting indifferent. So it goes. (“Why do you look confused Matt?” Me: I’m hungry. *Then, I grab her granola bar from her bag and eat it.* Then we shared eye-contact at one another for a good 10 seconds.)
4. Used my favorite technique that made a few girls laugh. Tone and mannerisms are extremely important. Also, it raised their interest level pretty high. (After the technique: *Flushed red all over, smiling* “So what grade are you in? Your age? Name?”)
5. I run some techniques with my best friend and she laughs every single time. They’re silly and gets the flirting going. (Yes, I believe that men and women can just be friends. That’s for another day.)
6. Another best friend likes the chase so much. Also, a guy giving puppy eyes is a complete turn off to her.
7. I’ve told random girls from the Rejection Therapy days they’re cute and they rejected me because the chase is done. There’s nothing to win over, nothing to prove, and there’s too much Goddess complex given. Plus, there’s no rapport yet.
*If that’s not enough proof for you:
From Hello to Kiss in 10 minutes.
-Much of it is calculated but like I said earlier: If it’s fun, it’s welcoming!
-The guy is oozing fun and confidence (no fidgeting at all, which goes back to the communicating through body language.)
Of course, with Great Power comes Great Responsibility
They’re teaching guys how to get out there and communicate. They’re teaching them to take action and (hopefully) find self-confidence. Those two things are incredibly important.
*It’s up to the guy to use it to lie their way into the bedroom or have a more honest model. I’m not one to judge “saints” or “sinners.” Like I said before, everyone’s intent is different.
Also, it snaps them back to reality from those bullshit Romantic Comedies.
So why don’t I do Pickup full-time?
-I’m really fucking shallow, relationship-wise. If I practiced more, I’d probably do better but I don’t like to do too much pickup stuff if I’m just trying to be friends or I’m not attracted that way.
-I’m not that refined yet due to said lack of practice.
-I’m about learning the process of connecting with people, social barriers, etc. to share ideas and figure out what people do and what makes them so damn fascinating.
-How pickup artists function is good to learn about but isn’t the only thing that should be learned.
-Experiments are more fulfilling for me at the moment.
Then again, I never liked anything so black or white. I’ll take a shade of gray, thank you. I use some elements most of the time. You’ll have to figure that out.
[Note: I was opened up to the whole topic by reading The Game (not an affiliate link). It’s a great read and really eye-opening to see Neil Strauss’ account of his experiences in the community.]