in Daily Post

Day 54 (Outcomes are Free Ways of Improving Your Own Reactions)

“Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” – Samuel Beckett

Did you ever have a time when you actually did something and the outcome bothered you more than you expected?

It hit me today.

I went up to the notes counter that I described back on Day 39.

There was a cute girl working at the counter. I saw her last quarter a couple of times but didn’t think much of it. However, I saw her again today and decided to not care. I just wanted some sort of exposure.

So there’s another girl just browsing and pondering if she’ll buy notes.

The girl at the counter looks at me and says, “How can I help you?”

I go up to the counter and tell her, “Hi. You’re cute. Do you have an e-mail or anything like that so I can contact you?” Then I don’t even remember what happened for like fifteen seconds or so. I think I just repeated myself in different words.

She was smiling the whole time but nodded her head. She shook her head and said, “I’m not going to give you my e-mail.”

I said, “Okay, that’s fine. Take Care.”

Fun rejection. Getting blown off like that was pretty funny. (I know that you shouldn’t compliment anyone as an introduction. But I wanted to get myself back in the pattern. My mind decided on this choice.)

Then I went on my way. The adrenaline rush made me smile because it was hilarious.
On top of it, I realized since I bought notes myself, I would have to go to that area a few more times. Hilarious.

Then after a few minutes the rush went away. What started to emerge were all those years of wiring in my brain. For example, I was thinking about all the hypothetical outcomes that could have happened after I left the scene. What if the other girl at the scene asked her afterwards how creepy I was? It definitely woke up all of those complexes and rules that people have been taught not to cross.

My brain likes to make up so many hypothetical situations. It also gave me the core reason why it hurt a bit more than I anticipated. (I’d say it but it would just cause some angst like rant about nothing in particular. I’ll keep it to myself.)
It also gave me quite a bit of knowledge on how I should work on my reactions.

So I took a deep breath and did my best to accept whatever happened afterwards. What’s done is done. I did the best I could in the situation.

I know I’ll improve. I have to improve or else I’ll just continually get blown off because my actions are seen as too aggressive. That’s alright. Missing on the aggressive side is better than missing on the passive side.
I’m pretty sure that social conditioning has something to do with their reactions too.
I’ll accept it.

Step one: Learning to be assertive is complete.
Step two: Mastering small talk.

I’ll begin step two.

Double bonus.
1. I called the bank because I needed some help. I asked the person to hold to find some information and they hung up on me. Rejection.
2. I gave my e-mail to someone else to study with them and they never gave back returning information. Rejection.

8 comments
Chris Grant
Chris Grant

Neil Strauss is definitely an interesting read... I have only read The Game and just the things described in the stories that I tried, broke the ice like you wouldnt believe! Keep it up, Matt. You seem like you are almost regressing as your posts slow down. Get back on your Game!

Chris Barba
Chris Barba

I really love reading your posts Matt. They inspire me and most of the time I can't help but crack a smile while reading them. "Then I don’t even remember what happened for like fifteen seconds or so. I think I just repeated myself in different words." - ha! Been there. It's like how Will Ferrell blacks out during his debate in Old School - maybe not so eloquently. And I really do agree - we expect outcomes to bother us so much more then they do. Keep it up Matt. Cheers!

rinkjustice
rinkjustice

Awesome Matt. You just displayed massive courage that most guys never, ever will in their lives. And who was to say that was too assertive? Man, you would not believe how many times I tip-toed around the subject of wanting to go out with someone, and getting NOWHERE. As far as I'm concerned, there is no right or wrong, as long as you are decent and respectful, which you were 100%. You continue to inspire Matt. Seriously.

The Fly
The Fly

Hi Matt, found your blog trough the Rejection Therapy fb group. I really respect what you are doing. I've read a few posts and just wanted to recommend you a couple of books that I think will be very interesting to you if you don't know about them yet. Check out The Game, and also Rules of The Game, both by Neil Strauss. The first will give you an idea of what is all about, and the second is more practical, kind of what you are doing right now (a 30 day challenge to develop social skills and conquer the social anxiety). Well hope it helps, Cheers!