On Social Rejection (Albert Ellis’ Amazing Experiment)

“New research suggests that the same areas in the brain that signify physical pain are activated at moments of intense social loss.” – NY Times.

In other words, social rejection.

But social rejection can be beneficial. The pain is telling you to take up other opportunities.

Rejection is the quiet sage that indirectly gives feedback.

So how can someone get over something so painful?

In Vivo Desensitization.

In Vivo Desensitization is using Systematic Desensitization in the real world.

Systematic Desensitization is using small, progressive steps to slowly eliminate or greatly reduce a particular fear. Social rejection is a fear to many people, so this process could help with making friends, getting dates, etc.

For example, if you had a fear of social anxiety, you could create a list of small steps you could do to slowly get over that.

An example of steps would be:

Step 1: Smile at 10 people
Step 2: Look straight in the eye at 10 people
Step 3: Say Hi to 10 people
Step 4: Make a comment to 10 people
Step 5: Talk about one subject to 10 people
Step 6: Have a lengthy conversation to 10 people
Step 7: Have a lengthy conversation with 10 strangers

It may take a lot of hard work but you’ll come out a better person by learning through the grit.

This relates back to approaching. It takes a lot of grit and passion to overcome all of that social pain.

But it’s worth the spontaneity and value-giving.

One of my favorite examples of overcoming social rejection is from Dr. Albert Ellis, one of the most well-known Psychologists.

From this post, At the age of 19, [Dr. Ellis] gave himself a homework assignment when he was off from college. He went to Bronx Botanical Garden every day that month, and whenever he saw a woman sitting alone on a park bench, he would sit next to her, which he wouldn’t dare do before. He gave himself one minute to talk to her, calming his fears by saying silently to himself, “If I die, I die. Screw it, so I die.”

Make a statement that helps you overcome your fear. When it comes to approaching people in general, all it takes is making a personal statement that helps you become at ease, at least enough to execute what you need to do.