Day 66.5 (Fear: Worse than Death)

Prompt 1: You have 15 minutes to live; write the story that has to be written.

We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

So why did I start 30vanquish?

I started it because I slowly want to conquer fear, especially fear of other people’s judgments, which has handicapped me for so many years.

The inability to express myself has hindered me for so long.

-Throughout my childhood, I was always a shy child. I was always unable to express myself. Throughout grade school, I was timid and thought that by being the nice guy, no one would mess with me. However, I was picked on during grade school because shyness can be seen as weakness.
-Fast forward to high school. I was seen as a weakling because I didn’t fit it with any group. The funny thing is that there was a student so quiet that people noticed him. I just went through the shadows; no one noticed me. That stuff happens though. High school wasn’t the easiest cup of tea. But this isn’t a sob story.

I told you those details because I was afraid throughout the first 18 years of my life.

I wasn’t living; I was merely existing.

-When other people were dating, I was isolated by my own fear.
-When other people were having the time of their life at parties, I was isolated by my own fear.
-When other people were talking to one another about some music or movies, I was isolated by my own fear.

I re-told my past to show you that it took me so many years to realize fear is useless.

Fear is only an illusion today. It was needed during evolutionary times to keep the species in check. However, 99% of the situations you’ll be in don’t need that type of fear, yet we let so much of it dictate our lives.

For example, I went to the grocery store today and I wanted to do a rejection but the fear caught me and made me build the walls that my brain has made as a default option. It stiffened me up. Although I tried so hard to break those walls down, I couldn’t muster the courage. I failed everyone who expects me to have my (almost) daily rejections.

So it’s frustrating. I’m far from mastering fear. But each time I write a rejection story here, I give fear a right hook.

Eventually, I want to knock it out. I want to make fear so weak in its knees that it is reduced to a tiny doubt in the mind that I can easily stomp on.

Don’t you want to do that too? Knock fear down in its tracks. Maybe it’ll never be fully eliminated.

But to knock it down during moments when you need to put yourself out there gives yourself the fighting chance.

Half days will be my lengthy entries towards
Shorter prompts will be included in my regular posts.


While not extremely shy, I also have the feeling that fear has control over me way too much. Your post reminded of the song 'Drive' from Incubus: "Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear Take the wheel and steer It's driven me before And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal But lately I'm beginning to find that I Should be the one behind the wheel" Keep giving that fear your right hook!


I wonder how many of these entries were ACTUALLY 15 minutes? ;) I'm a fast typer BUT.. I can definitely relate to you with the shyness. I skipped dating in HS because of fear.. and i've beaten myself up a lot over being shy.. I'm still quiet, i'm not good at groups, meeting new people etc. but whatever.. that's why i'm a homebody :P