Day 54 (Outcomes are Free Ways of Improving Your Own Reactions)

“Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” – Samuel Beckett

Did you ever have a time when you actually did something and the outcome bothered you more than you expected?

It hit me today.

I went up to the notes counter that I described back on Day 39.

There was a cute girl working at the counter. I saw her last quarter a couple of times but didn’t think much of it. However, I saw her again today and decided to not care. I just wanted some sort of exposure.

So there’s another girl just browsing and pondering if she’ll buy notes.

The girl at the counter looks at me and says, “How can I help you?”

I go up to the counter and tell her, “Hi. You’re cute. Do you have an e-mail or anything like that so I can contact you?” Then I don’t even remember what happened for like fifteen seconds or so. I think I just repeated myself in different words.

She was smiling the whole time but nodded her head. She shook her head and said, “I’m not going to give you my e-mail.”

I said, “Okay, that’s fine. Take Care.”

Fun rejection. Getting blown off like that was pretty funny. (I know that you shouldn’t compliment anyone as an introduction. But I wanted to get myself back in the pattern. My mind decided on this choice.)

Then I went on my way. The adrenaline rush made me smile because it was hilarious.
On top of it, I realized since I bought notes myself, I would have to go to that area a few more times. Hilarious.

Then after a few minutes the rush went away. What started to emerge were all those years of wiring in my brain. For example, I was thinking about all the hypothetical outcomes that could have happened after I left the scene. What if the other girl at the scene asked her afterwards how creepy I was? It definitely woke up all of those complexes and rules that people have been taught not to cross.

My brain likes to make up so many hypothetical situations. It also gave me the core reason why it hurt a bit more than I anticipated. (I’d say it but it would just cause some angst like rant about nothing in particular. I’ll keep it to myself.)
It also gave me quite a bit of knowledge on how I should work on my reactions.

So I took a deep breath and did my best to accept whatever happened afterwards. What’s done is done. I did the best I could in the situation.

I know I’ll improve. I have to improve or else I’ll just continually get blown off because my actions are seen as too aggressive. That’s alright. Missing on the aggressive side is better than missing on the passive side.
I’m pretty sure that social conditioning has something to do with their reactions too.
I’ll accept it.

Step one: Learning to be assertive is complete.
Step two: Mastering small talk.

I’ll begin step two.

Double bonus.
1. I called the bank because I needed some help. I asked the person to hold to find some information and they hung up on me. Rejection.
2. I gave my e-mail to someone else to study with them and they never gave back returning information. Rejection.

Day 53 (Anxiety Relapse; An Easy Way to Not Let it Happen to You)

*The past couple of weeks, I’ve had an intense personal issue to deal with. It affected me so deeply that I took a long break from rejection. I’m hoping to post more often and experience more rejection from here on out. I’ll be able to be held accountable again by becoming active in my experiences. Either I have more rejections or I risk having nothing to write about.

Have you ever had a time when something personal crushed you to pieces? That’s what happened to me. It hurt me so deeply that I lost my inspiration and motivation. I didn’t want to do the rejection game anymore. I didn’t want to do anything except lay down in bed and forget about everything. I could be wrong but I know the majority of people have a day or two when they feel like that. I had that isolated feeling for a week because I held on to external factors of the situation.

So what changed?

After about a week of feeling lost and broken, someone came up to me and said, “No matter how sad you feel, it won’t change the outcome.” I realized there’s no point to stay in a shut down mode for so long. Sure, it happens from time to time and that’s alright. I’m human, I have feelings, and I will have days where I am down.

I got over it by re-evaluating the whole situation. I can control my internal reactions to it. I can continue to improve myself. I can continue to put myself out there. Whatever happens will happen.

So what’s an easy way of not letting an undesirable outcome overwhelm you?

Don’t take yourself so seriously.
Embrace awkwardness, embarrassment, and rejection.
I know it’s tough because we’ve been subconsciously told all our lives that these things are bad. But why does it have to be bad?

I always tell myself, “In a thousand years, who will really care if I did something terribly awkward or embarrassing? Exactly. No one.”

So my rejections from the past week or so:
-I was standing at the bus stop and saw someone that looked familiar. I realized I forgot what class she was in. I asked her if she was in class #1 or class #2. She said she wasn’t in either. Embarrassing and hilarious. So I realized she was in class #3. I asked her about it and she said it was boring. As long as you have something to read or do, then it’s bearable. Then silence came. I asked her if she was waiting for a specific bus. She shook her head and said she was waiting for another route. Then silence came again. I could tell she didn’t want to keep the conversation going. I decided to stop the conversation there. I’ll say why in a future post. Rejection.
-I’ve asked a couple more people to study with me. I’m at the point where I need to ask other things because it’s ballooning to the point where there’s too many people to study with!
-My friends pressured me to go up to this girl at Starbucks (within a Mall) and talk to her. I haven’t adjusted rejection to non-school interactions, so this was a good way of knowing that I have to work on this. I joked with her about her drink. (It was one of those caramel ones.) Yet, I felt there was way too much caramel in it. And then I honestly told her that my friends wanted me to give my number. So I did but didn’t get a call. Rejection. Although I’ll have a future post as to why I know I didn’t get one.
-Finally, I got another job interview today. We’ll see if I get the job or get rejected. Win-win situation.

Accept awkwardness. It’ll help you reach out to others.