From the article, “Do You Have the Weirdo Syndrome?”, “The bittersweet reality is that you’ll never get rid of the Weirdo Syndrome, but the more you understand that your weirdness isn’t a bad thing and something to hide in the closet, the more you’ll be able to find those people who see how uniquely beautiful you are rather than how weird you are.” – Charlie Gilkey
Have you ever felt a time when you wanted to throw in the towel or give up on all your ideals and dreams because you have continued to fail miserably? Have you ever wanted to walk away from it all and live a complacent life because you felt it was utterly impossible to get any of your goals accomplished? In top of those things, do you feel you were too weird to have any of your aspirations come true?
This is what I have to battle every single day mentally. The struggle with trying to accept my weirdness and share its beauty with people is difficult and challenging.
Today, I felt so cold (literally and metaphorically) and distant. One factor could be that I was cynical about my own uniqueness.* (Note: If you are short on time, skip ahead to the asterisk for the rejection.)
First, this is what happened today: I went to San Francisco to meet two friends I haven’t seen in two years. It all started when I decided to tell them about rejection therapy. I asked them to hang out today on facebook and they agreed. That was a failed rejection (or acceptance). We met up and went to a coffee shop where we hung out for an hour. I decided to try to play a mad libs type of game. They mocked it and made me feel a little embarrassed. But I knew it was all in fun. They are silly, comedic folks. They are so close to one another that they almost seem like a couple. After having coffee, they had to put concert posters all over the poles and posterboards around the area.
They let me staple some of them to the poles, so that was fun. We did this for four blocks. We also took extended breaks by entering some shops that had some quirky items. Many of the stores had many “hipster” items. For example, there were journals and books with weird topics.
After a couple of hours, I needed to use the restroom and went around the area to find one. Then, I walked around a couple of blocks on my own to check stores around the area. I found a couple of nice stores and took their business cards. I called my two friends and they told me they were still where I had originally left them, which was a couple of blocks away.
*After walking a block towards where I was supposed to meet up with my friends, an attractive girl passed by. I probably waited ten seconds before deciding to walk back and attempt to catch up with her. But I did it anyways. At this point, you could think I’m either crazy, noble, brave, or insane. I didn’t think about any of those things. I walked for about a block with a clear conscious. The only thought was trying to talk to her. I walked up to her side and said “Hi, how’s it going?” We talked for a minute and she told me that she was from Seattle. I told her, “Oh? So you have those guys that throw salmon right?” She nodded and also added that they had snow recently too. At this point, awkward silence emerged. Then I realized that I made a mistake of aligning my body sideways at a crosswalk, so it seemed like I was going a different direction. She pointed to me that I was going another way. But before I let her go, I asked her for her facebook. I did this in order to see if she had any interest to continue talking. She replied with, “I’m sorry I don’t have my computer with me right now.” It didn’t make total sense but the tone of her voice proved that she wanted to find an excuse to end the conversation. I respected that and said, “Okay, take care!” This rejection actually hurt somewhat (but more on that in a bit.) I walked back to my two friends.
We hung out for a little longer and then went to get cookies.
Here is the cookie that I had. Yes, there is a cookies and cream flavored cookie. That actually cheered me up.
Afterwards, they went to a concert while I took the train back home.
On the train ride back, I felt melancholy. It wasn’t about the rejection itself. I just felt that what I wanted was possibly too difficult. I was starting to become discouraged. I couldn’t get the thought of out my mind that I should pick the easier route and just date or befriend people that I “should” date or befriend. Then I remembered the post, “Do You Have the Weirdo Syndrome?”
It reminded me that I have the power to give others the chance to meet me. I have the power to let others into my life by starting a conversation. I have the power to give them the choice to say yes or no. The best I can do is continue to improve the initial stages of conversation with a stranger and give a reason for them to want me as a friend, potential date, or say yes to my request. The rest is up to them.
The article states that, “You can’t be remarkable and fit in at the same time.”
It may be more difficult to be remarkable but I realized it is the only way for me. Sure, I may be a bit eccentric but I would not have it any other way. The vision of my goals can only be made by me.